Friday, 31 October 2008

World Of Gluttony #1

Pizza Hut's Hot Cookie Dough Desert

As the good lady Karen said – fail!

The main problem is that this is less like cookie dough and more like a Millie’s cookie that’s been left on a radiator and then smothered in cheap chocolate sauce. This sauce, by the way, also tastes as though it has been melted to burning point – yeuch! You do get a thoroughly okay-ish scoop of vanilla ice cream for your £4.49, but when this comes into contact with the main dish it turns it into a thoroughly unappealing brown gruel:

Mmmmm… Shitty biscuits!

Not recommended for the discerning glutton.

A Note On The Current Pizza Hut Experience:

As someone with six years' worth of retail experience, I can only wince in sympathy when I see minimum wage employees being made to jump through hoops. Right now the Pizza hut staff are clearly being made to foist their pastas and salad dishes on their customers, which is hardly the worst fate, but it's still a little uncomfortable. And hell, Glasgow's a pretty tough city for this sort of cheap shtick -- can I interest you in a customer loyalty card? How about or monthly email newsletter? What's that? You'd rather spit in my face and then wipe it dry with your arse? And a very good day to you sir!

Ladies and gentlemen: seriously, annoying as some of this stuff is, don't take it out on the mopes on the front line. I can guarantee you that some stores and restaurants will be firing or disciplining people who don't offer you whatever crap the bosses are trying to sell, so even if their offers seem risible, please try not to be a dick about it. Thank you.

With that in mind, I'd like to note that the whole "let's pretend we're changing out name to Pasta Hut" thing really gets my blood up. I have a weird problem with unhealthy food pretending that it's healthy. Why not just admit that you sell fatty, delicious lumps of pizza and be happy with that? Cos I know that when I'm looking for something with a little nutritional value, I don't go asking for a supersized McDonald's meal with a Pizza Hut on top.

Plus Pizza Hut's pasta has always been gloopy and hideous, so I don't hold out too much hope for their expanded menu. I know, I know -- fast food is a competitive business, and it pays to look like you're trying to be healthy at the moment. Plus, also, it must suck to have Morgan Spurlok riffling through your underwear drawer and complaining about how many pubes he finds, and I'd do anything to avoid Jamie Oliver too, so... I guess I'm just having a naive little strop here. But hey: stropping is fun!

Unhealthy food is a big and oh-so-fucking satisfying part of my life, and it just sort of pisses me off that companies keep making their junk "healthier". Because what this leads to is shit like the new, reduced salt Pot Noodle which is neither mildly tasty nor even remotely worth eating as part of a balanced diet, and who the hell needs that?

Note: since I've posted this I'm sure I'll go eat some "Pasta Hut" gear and love the hell out of it, but I'll let my knee-jerk here tonight since I so rarely do.

Oh, and Plok -- I'm working on the whole goofy/pretentious thing. Coming right attcha sir! Coming right attcha with some yappity fast food reviews!

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